Remembering What Matters

Each of us at some point has been forced to look at our lives and reevaluate what matters and what does not. What does matter? A nice car? An updated home? A well-funded 401(k)? Religion? Relationships?

Recently, I have really looked at my life and figured out what matters and what does not. I have a very stressful work load. I currently work three jobs over six days a week and try to sneak in some volunteer work when I can. Just this week I came home after a long day of work and was exhausted. My husband was sitting on the couch. I put my purse down and sat next to him to give him a quick kiss. He then started to lie down to put his head on my lap. I stood up, put my hand up and said, “I can’t do this right now. Can I please have a minute?” I mean, this is my husband and I’m brushing him off? Something is wrong here.

While having my minute, I instantly felt remorseful. How can I give to so many people then neglect those I love most? For example, my brother has been home from college for four days and just today did I reach out to him to schedule a dinner. My friends reach out to me and I can’t see them because I’m either working or recovering from working. My house is a mess. The fridge is empty. What kind of life is this?

I was out of work for a long time. I felt so much guilt during that time while my husband woke up each morning to provide for the fabulous life we have. Now, in my working so much, I felt that I was making up for lost time. I need to work a ton to rebuild our savings and start to contribute financially to our household (and, quite honestly, get my nails done and not feel badly about it).

Now, constantly fatigued and neglecting those closest to me, I’m wondering if it’s all worth it. Getting to do what I love every day is definitely worth-while; however, I love nothing more than my family. Where is the balance? Why work so hard if, at the end of the day, I don’t have the energy to spend time with those I love more than anything in this world?

Learning to say “no” without an excuse is something I’m aspiring to do. As women, we feel the need to people-please. I want to learn how to please only those that I love and love me. I need to learn how to set boundaries for myself. I need to learn to say, “Thank you, but I cannot do that right now” – and leave it at that.

My family is my first priority. Everything else comes second. As I move forward in life and my career, I need to keep this in mind. What’s the point in having a thick retirement account, fast car, and granite countertops if I don’t have my family with me?

Jealousy

Real Housewives of Atlanta

It was Sunday night and what else was I doing but watching the best of Sunday night TV. And that just so happened to be The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This week, the girls werein Las Vegas for a Girls Trip. Porsha has an issue with going to a strip club. She doesn’t like strip clubs because it demoralizes women. I get that. But her real issue, as I perceive it anyway, is that she doesn’t want to go because of her man (he wouldn't "let her" was thrown around.

I respect my husband more than anything I’ve ever respected on this Earth – myself included. I remember my bachelorette party – in Vegas, mind you – and my thought to anything was, “if I wouldn’t do this in front of Nate, it’s cheating”. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve thought differently about this. Mostly because I’ve heard: “well, you go to the bathroom without Nate there, does that mean you’re cheating on him then?” I’ve definitely rethought the whole thing.

My thought is this: I trust my husband with everything in me. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him. My husband trusts me with everything in him (at least I think he does). If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be with me. I don’t have a problem when my husband goes away without me and he doesn’t have a problem when I go away without him. Truth is we’re going to do whatever it is we’re going to do. Worrying or being jealous won’t stop him or me from doing something unmentionable. We love each other, we love our relationship, and we love the life we have together.

If there is any fiber in your body that thinks what you’re doing is wrong or that the person you’re with is doing wrong, you’re probably right. Trust that instinct. Go with it and do something about it. However, if those feelings aren't there, don't create them. Agonizing over something won't stop it from happening or make it happen. Life doesn't work that way. Instead, try focusing on what's actually happening.

Can't Win 'Em All

I’m kind of having a moment. I feel as if someone doesn't like me. I believe I am a person who most people like. I’m empathetic, caring, genuine and highly entertaining. Why wouldn't people like me? Why wouldn't people want to be around me? (If you haven’t already realized, I may be a bit of a narcissist…)

Sometimes one must follow protocol and procedures. Sometimes these protocols are challenging and force us to be viewed in a way in which we do not intend to be nor want to be. I try as hard as I can to be my real self - always. I can say in all honesty, I have never done anything for money.  For reals, check out my bank account. I have always followed my heart in choosing jobs. I don’t think many people can say that their income has actually lowered as their education increased. I made more money with an Associate’s degree than I do with a Master’s. I mean, what the F is up with that???

It really bothers me when I’m viewed as someone who is focused on money. I am not that person. I am fine with buying generic shampoo or perfume. I’m fine with driving an almost 13-year-old car. I’m fine with wearing clothes I’ve had for years or only getting new make-up at Christmas and for my birthday. Those things don’t matter to me. What matters to me are my family, my friends and helping others.

I have cut back as much as I can to enable myself to be poor. I think I just wrote that. (Holding off another moment here.) I am a woman of integrity and class. I cannot be responsible for how others think of me. I can only be responsible for how I feel about myself. I am happy with who I have become. I am a loving, caring and sympathetic person. And if you don’t like me or feel as if I am not always giving my best? Well, not much I can say. Your opinion is your opinion.