I would be lying if I said 2014
wasn’t one of the greatest years of my life. I gave birth to the cutest,
happiest little man ever. Ever. Sorry, other boys… However, there’s still
something missing. NO! Not another kid. Don’t even think it. I’ll give you a
second to take back that thought. Dum da dum… Queue Jeopardy music… Did you take it back? Thank You.
I think what I have found to be
missing is balance and complete happiness. I know this is hard for any new mom
to find, but I believe I can. First off, I need to let go of the woman I was
before Justin. That woman was organized, clean, cooked most nights, didn’t ask
for much help, and was usually always prepared. Post-Justin woman is a mess,
still clean, heats up frozen meals, asks for help all the time, and well, can’t
see beyond the next hour. I’m sure I’m not the only one, and, if I am, keep it
to yourself, Superwomen.
As I reflect on 2014 and prepare
(ha!) for 2015, I need to remind myself that my life is very different from
last year and it does not make sense to do things as I did before. I refrain
from ever using the term “Old Self” in therapy. To me, this implies that there
was something terribly wrong about that former self. You see, I would not be
who I am today if it had not been for all my previous experiences, thoughts,
and feelings. I must thank the Aimee that came before me, or my “Evolved Self”.
She molded me into who I am today. My “Evolved Self” has provided me the
insight and perspective I need to continue growing and learning.
My goal in 2015 is to be happy.
Here’s how I am going to do it:
· First, I am going to remove any toxins that are
in my life: lack of exercise, poor eating habits, people, and etcetera. If at
any time I question what I am doing or who is around me, I will remove it.
(Unless it’s chardonnay or a Pizookie, but anything else....)
· Second, I will take control of my feelings. I
have written about this before, but I think I need a refresher. I am in control
of my thoughts and feelings and no one can take that power from me. I will not
allow anyone to dictate how I feel. When I am happy, no amount of bitching, negativity,
anxiety, or passive-aggressive behavior can trump the way I feel.
· Third, and most simply, I need to remind myself
that I “get” to do things versus “having” to do things. I “get” to do laundry
because I am in a home with a washer and dryer and I have so many clothes that
need washing. I “get” to wake up at 3:00 nearly every morning to feed my son
because I have been blessed with a healthy baby. I “get” to go to work because
I need money. That last example didn’t sound as positive, but it’s still true.
I don’t believe finding happiness
is any real struggle or complicated maze to navigate. If it doesn’t make you
happy, find a way to make it better or stop doing it. Don’t settle for anything
that doesn’t make you happy because you think that’s all you deserve. We ALL
deserve to be happy. Go out and find your happiness.
