Appreciation

So, apparently, the expression of my appreciation of the phrase “Thank You” has turned me in into a person who requires acknowledgement and praise for what I do.

I feel as if we are living in a world of entitlement. As if we are owed something. As if we deserve something. As if our mere presence is reason enough for gifts, promotions, donations, etcetera, to just fall to our feet. Wrong. So, so, wrong.

We are here because someone has created us. We are here because someone has unselfishly stepped aside so we can have the best possible life. We are here because someone has given us words of encouragement. We are here because someone has shown us what not to do. We are here because someone has died for our sins (if you believe that sort of thing). We have accomplished what we have because someone has helped us along the way. Bottom line: We are here because of someone else.

I was heartbroken when my appreciation for appreciation was questioned and was saddened that I even needed to argue my stance.

For the record, I do not expect gratitude for all I do. However, when I donate my hard earned and (very, very) minimal money, I would hope to receive a “Thank You” from the friend or colleague raising that money. Without donations from your friends and peers, you would not have been able to reach your goal. Without a gift, your wedding/shower/birthday/Christmas lists would remain empty.

If someone does something nice for you, say “Thank You”. Just today, I watched Monday night’s episode of How I Met your Mother. Marshall was horrified to learn he had not sent a “Thank You” note to his friend, Ted. He said (and I’m paraphrasing here) that Thank You notes are extremely important to his family and they actually have a motto: (not paraphrased) “Lick it before your stick it”. As in, lick the stamp before you stick it in the mail. I wish more families had this motto.

If you truly feel you are where you are in this exact moment, with all you have accomplished because you have done so 100% on your own, then disregard this post. However, if you feel as if someone has helped you get to this moment, just show appreciation. Just say, “Thank You”. These two words are not said enough. If you feel gratitude for something, just say so. Just say, “Thank You”.

Thoughts in Traffic

This past week I was stuck in traffic on southbound 880 at about 6:30pm. Traffic is a rare occurrence for me. I live within 5 miles of both of my jobs. Two consecutive stop lights are the worst of my commute. Sad story, I know. My drive home started with waiting 10 minutes to get onto the freeway. However, Manic Monday came on and I started singing and dancing in my car. Traffic is fun! Thanks to The Bangles for getting this drive off to a good start! I hit the “Scan” button on the radio and stopped at songs that I could sing along to. I’m sure I looked like a crazy lady in my car, but it was actually a good time.

At one point, maybe at the 880/101 interchange, I began looking around at the drivers next me. I wondered what their day had been like. Did they have a good day? Did anyone get a raise? Did anyone get laid off? What were they going to do with the rest of their day? What were they having for dinner? What were they going home to? A loving pet? A sick family member? An abusive spouse? Some thoughts were depressing, I know. Although it got me to think about the home I was going to. I was going home to a loving and supportive husband. A husband who has proven countless times just how much he cares about me and wants nothing more than for me to be happy and successful. The worst thing I faced going home was dirty dishes and, perhaps, a dirtier floor.

This thought sparked something in me. How awesome would it be to document what people were thinking at any given moment? I mean, what were you doing at 6:30pm on Thursday, August 22? What were you thinking about? What were you happy, sad, angry, confused about? I would love to somehow collect all these thoughts. Not sure how it can happen. How do you gather genuine and authentic thoughts from people? My goal for this research experiment would be to gain perspective and an awareness of other people and the lives they live. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our thoughts, feelings, and stuff. If we’re able to read other peoples’ stories, it would allow for us to take into account that other people have stuff, too. The world is so much bigger than me and you. My worries, my thoughts, my feelings, my dreams, my destination, my stuff are no more important than yours. And yours are no more important than mine.

My Grandmothers

The death of a grandparent SUCKS! I must believe that the harder it is to accept one’s death is a true testament to our love for said person. I have lost both my grandmothers. 

My Nana Mary was the best. She was the most nonjudgmental, unbiased, open-minded, and accepting person I could ever meet. She was classy. I mean, she had true class. She could walk into a room and all heads would turn. Her scent. Her style. Her eyes. Her smile. She was a true woman. Her eyes hid all her struggles. Or did they expose them? Did her eyes show all that she had been through and yet, somehow, show the world that all would be okay? I learned a lot from that woman. I learned that no matter the trials and tribulations we go through , we go through them – meaning, we SURVIVE them. Should we survive the moments we believe are our last; the moments we feel we cannot go any farther yet, miraculously, we do – we did it! WE SURVIVED! My Nana Mary taught me not to forget those moments, but cherish them, for these are the moments that push us forward. These are the moments that motivate us to be better, stronger, more loving people. Without these moments we are lost. We are empty. We are self-absorbed, narcissistic shells of a human being. There is a much greater purpose out there for us and that purpose is to be there for others.

My Nana Trudy was equally as special to me. She had 16 grandchildren yet, whenever I called or visited, it was like I was her only one. I remember my last words to her: “See you in July!” I was being a smart ass (shocking – I know). I saw her on Easter and she asked me to stop by sometime because she loved my visits. I told her I would and that I loved her. She understood how busy I was. I was working three jobs at the time. Knowing my schedule would by settling down soon, I jokingly said “see you in July” because I couldn’t fathom taking time to drive ten minutes to see her. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that July would never come. How could I put work before my grandmother? How could I justify not taking any time out to see her? I wish I could remember the last time I spent any quality alone time with her. I believe I do – but that was well over a year ago and that would just be too hard to admit.

I hope I am to my grandchildren what these women were to me. I am who I am because they were in my life. I pray every day that they are looking down on me and watching over me. I pray they know how much I love them and miss them. I pray they do not hold any resentment towards me for not spending as much time with them as I should or could have. I pray they will be by my side for the rest of my Earthly life until we meet again. And lastly, I pray they are saying “stop crying, you fool! We know you love us. Stop wasting time and catch up on your Real Housewives!! We’re having way too much fun up here to feel sorry for you!”

Grief

We all experience grief in our own way. Others may not understand the way I do it, but I don’t necessarily understand how others grieve, either. I prefer to be sad and to make as many jokes as possible. I’m not quite as bad as Chandler on Friends. I’m not that inappropriate or awkward, but I do try to find humor wherever I can. I’m Irish – I can’t help it.

This morning, my family learned of the death of my grandmother. I had been preparing myself for this. I have already lost a grandmother, I can do this again. I was wrong. I walked into my Nana Trudy’s house this morning, expecting to be able to say my final goodbyes, but learned I was an hour late.

Depending on which “Stages of Grief” model you follow, guilt is a stage. I felt extreme guilt today. Guilty for not spending as much time with my Nana as I should have, even when she asked me point-blank to come visit. Guilty for not going over last night when I felt I should have. Guilty for telling my cousin not to go over last night and to wait to go this morning. Guilty for having my aunt console me after she just lost her mother. Guilt is a horrible thing. But guilt is also a chance to do better next time.

With every guilty feeling, we gain the opportunity to do better. We do not feel guilt without knowing that we should or could have done better or differently. We must not ignore feelings of guilt because it is a reminder that change can be made. Although guilt can be crippling if held onto, we must be able to let go of that guilt but not of the lesson it taught us, for all things that occur, cannot be undone.

It’s funny. We aim to live our lives as if each day could be our last. I think our new aim should be to live our lives as if it is someone else’s last day. If you love someone, tell them. If you miss them, visit them. If you are thinking about them, call them. 

Remembering What Matters

Each of us at some point has been forced to look at our lives and reevaluate what matters and what does not. What does matter? A nice car? An updated home? A well-funded 401(k)? Religion? Relationships?

Recently, I have really looked at my life and figured out what matters and what does not. I have a very stressful work load. I currently work three jobs over six days a week and try to sneak in some volunteer work when I can. Just this week I came home after a long day of work and was exhausted. My husband was sitting on the couch. I put my purse down and sat next to him to give him a quick kiss. He then started to lie down to put his head on my lap. I stood up, put my hand up and said, “I can’t do this right now. Can I please have a minute?” I mean, this is my husband and I’m brushing him off? Something is wrong here.

While having my minute, I instantly felt remorseful. How can I give to so many people then neglect those I love most? For example, my brother has been home from college for four days and just today did I reach out to him to schedule a dinner. My friends reach out to me and I can’t see them because I’m either working or recovering from working. My house is a mess. The fridge is empty. What kind of life is this?

I was out of work for a long time. I felt so much guilt during that time while my husband woke up each morning to provide for the fabulous life we have. Now, in my working so much, I felt that I was making up for lost time. I need to work a ton to rebuild our savings and start to contribute financially to our household (and, quite honestly, get my nails done and not feel badly about it).

Now, constantly fatigued and neglecting those closest to me, I’m wondering if it’s all worth it. Getting to do what I love every day is definitely worth-while; however, I love nothing more than my family. Where is the balance? Why work so hard if, at the end of the day, I don’t have the energy to spend time with those I love more than anything in this world?

Learning to say “no” without an excuse is something I’m aspiring to do. As women, we feel the need to people-please. I want to learn how to please only those that I love and love me. I need to learn how to set boundaries for myself. I need to learn to say, “Thank you, but I cannot do that right now” – and leave it at that.

My family is my first priority. Everything else comes second. As I move forward in life and my career, I need to keep this in mind. What’s the point in having a thick retirement account, fast car, and granite countertops if I don’t have my family with me?

Jealousy

Real Housewives of Atlanta

It was Sunday night and what else was I doing but watching the best of Sunday night TV. And that just so happened to be The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This week, the girls werein Las Vegas for a Girls Trip. Porsha has an issue with going to a strip club. She doesn’t like strip clubs because it demoralizes women. I get that. But her real issue, as I perceive it anyway, is that she doesn’t want to go because of her man (he wouldn't "let her" was thrown around.

I respect my husband more than anything I’ve ever respected on this Earth – myself included. I remember my bachelorette party – in Vegas, mind you – and my thought to anything was, “if I wouldn’t do this in front of Nate, it’s cheating”. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve thought differently about this. Mostly because I’ve heard: “well, you go to the bathroom without Nate there, does that mean you’re cheating on him then?” I’ve definitely rethought the whole thing.

My thought is this: I trust my husband with everything in me. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him. My husband trusts me with everything in him (at least I think he does). If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be with me. I don’t have a problem when my husband goes away without me and he doesn’t have a problem when I go away without him. Truth is we’re going to do whatever it is we’re going to do. Worrying or being jealous won’t stop him or me from doing something unmentionable. We love each other, we love our relationship, and we love the life we have together.

If there is any fiber in your body that thinks what you’re doing is wrong or that the person you’re with is doing wrong, you’re probably right. Trust that instinct. Go with it and do something about it. However, if those feelings aren't there, don't create them. Agonizing over something won't stop it from happening or make it happen. Life doesn't work that way. Instead, try focusing on what's actually happening.

Can't Win 'Em All

I’m kind of having a moment. I feel as if someone doesn't like me. I believe I am a person who most people like. I’m empathetic, caring, genuine and highly entertaining. Why wouldn't people like me? Why wouldn't people want to be around me? (If you haven’t already realized, I may be a bit of a narcissist…)

Sometimes one must follow protocol and procedures. Sometimes these protocols are challenging and force us to be viewed in a way in which we do not intend to be nor want to be. I try as hard as I can to be my real self - always. I can say in all honesty, I have never done anything for money.  For reals, check out my bank account. I have always followed my heart in choosing jobs. I don’t think many people can say that their income has actually lowered as their education increased. I made more money with an Associate’s degree than I do with a Master’s. I mean, what the F is up with that???

It really bothers me when I’m viewed as someone who is focused on money. I am not that person. I am fine with buying generic shampoo or perfume. I’m fine with driving an almost 13-year-old car. I’m fine with wearing clothes I’ve had for years or only getting new make-up at Christmas and for my birthday. Those things don’t matter to me. What matters to me are my family, my friends and helping others.

I have cut back as much as I can to enable myself to be poor. I think I just wrote that. (Holding off another moment here.) I am a woman of integrity and class. I cannot be responsible for how others think of me. I can only be responsible for how I feel about myself. I am happy with who I have become. I am a loving, caring and sympathetic person. And if you don’t like me or feel as if I am not always giving my best? Well, not much I can say. Your opinion is your opinion. 

Don’t Judge a Book

We all know we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But why not? Isn’t it fun creating someone’s story based on her appearance? Or car? Or job? Or one thing she’s said? Or that one thing she did when she was a teenager? I love taking a snippet of a scene and generating an uneducated, biased fact about that person. It brings me joy.

Several years ago I had a job and HATED it. I mean, H-A-T-E-D  it. I loved the work, but hated the company. It was probably the worst place to work in the history of employment. Really. It was that bad. My continued anxiety disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder can vouch for that (“As long as we have a voucher!”).  The nucleus of this monstrosity of a company was the Executive Management, which trickled down to Management, then to Lower Management then to the all-mighty workers. And it was Lower Management I had the problem with. Mostly because I had to see and interact with them every day.

My direct supervisor appeared to not like me. I would smile at her and say “hi” in the hallways and rarely got a response. (My constant calling-in-sick and pissed-off demeanor may have had something to do with this.) She was really good at her job and beautiful, but impossible to connect with. I tried to be all Aimee on her and it wasn’t working. I mean, what was wrong with this woman? Hello? Do you know me? I’m awesome. You should like me. After about nine months we moved into a swanky building in North San Jose with individual offices. We were moving from an office where four people shared a cubical (Good-bye Guy Who Cuts Finger Nails at Desk!!!). Totally excited for this new move and an individual office… and who do I get sat next to? That’s right, my direct supervisor. Oh, boy.

Let me tell you. This move was the best move of my life. I can’t remember the exact moment it happened, but my supervisor and I just clicked. Oh, wait. Maybe it happened before we even moved. (Side note: we moved while I was on leave for my wedding and honeymoon.) Before I left for my wedding I was talking to her about wedding bands – I hadn't gotten mine yet. I was telling her about this plain band I liked that only cost $95.00. She told me I needed diamonds in my band and not to get a plain band. That was it. Diamonds. We clicked over diamonds. I did need a diamond band – screw you plain band!!!

After I returned from becoming an honest woman, I mean, getting married, my supervisor and I began talking more. Forced to sit next to her actually helped us bond – that and our mutual obsession, I mean, ahem, admiration, for Suze Orman and Oprah Winfrey. I learned so much about her. She hated her job – which is why she seemed unhappy and distant (we definitely bonded over that). She had a young son who suffered frequent seizures and was in and out of the hospital. Her husband had returned to school and she was the sole financial provider of the family all while hospital bills were piling up and diagnoses were left unmade. She had an incredible burden on her shoulders. She loathed her job – she was treated worse than us peons, she had a terribly sick son, she was a wife, a mother, a daughter, a boss… the list goes on. I thought this woman had a rough exterior and didn't have much emotion; little did I know she was the exact opposite.

In this case, I wrongly judged this woman. My heart breaks for all that she has been through. This woman is the most caring, supportive, funny, loving, beautiful human being I know. She gives and gives and gives and always looks fabulous doing it. Really, I can’t even blow-dry my hair in the morning and this chick is dressed to the nines with homemade brownies in hand. Five years later, I can put this woman on my “Call at Any Time, for Any Reason” list. She has become one of my dearest friends and I will love her forever. I wrongly judged her and feel bad for doing so. 

Aside from this one instance though, it is completely acceptable to judge people. 

Lent

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which is the beginning of Lent in the Christian faith. I should know what this means since my parents paid an exorbitant amount of money funding my Catholic education, but as any good Catholic, I have no clue. Beginning on Ash Wednesday and lasting for approximately six weeks, Christians give up some sort of luxury as a form of penance to prepare for Christ’s rising. This is a very loose description and I can totally envision my parents face palming themselves. Sorry, Mom and Dad.

So. What I am going to give up for Lent? Looking at my bank account, I can’t afford many luxuries, so my first thought is that I’m not even qualified to give up anything. Let’s go over what I won’t give up. I won’t give up being awesome. God made me this way; I can’t go against His creation. That’s just wrong. I also won’t give up being sarcastic, breathing, eating, showering and blowing my nose. Nope. Not gonna do it.

You know what I would like to give up? Allowing other people’s moods to affect mine.  I have a little something called “Codependency”. In layman’s terms, I am too empathic for my own good. I allow their emotions and behaviors to depict how I feel and it SUCKS! For example, if I am in a good mood, enjoying my day and a Debbie Downer walks in, my mood drops. It’s like that person has the ability to drain any positivity in my life. Or, if some dueschbag cuts me off on the freeway or isn’t aware enough to know that I have my hands full and NEED SOMEONE TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME I get mad. Sigh.

For Lent this year, I am giving up relinquishing my mindset to someone else. I am in control of how I feel. I choose to be accountable for my attitude and I will continue to be awesome. Ain’t nobody gonna take that away from me.  

I Guess I'm Doing This

I've wanted to do this for a while. Not only because everyone who meets me says, "You are hilarious, you should totally have a blog", but because I am hilarious and I should have a blog. Really, though. I've got stuff to say and I want it heard. Often times I feel the world is too serious and it needs to made fun of and other times I feel the world is too jovial and needs to be taken more serious. I see this blog as a "Seinfeld" type deal: It's all about nothing. Yes. The point of this blog is nothing. Take with it what you will and leave what doesn't resonate with you. I don't care. This is for me, not you. (Side note: I'm a Leo. Meaning - according to zodiac-signs-astrology.com I am "confident" - duh, "ambitious" - I'm doing this, right? "generous" - you're welcome for sharing my point of view, "loyal" - I'll do this forever, and "encouraging" - as in, You're the best reader ever! Good for you!!)

My hope for this blog is not entirely selfless. Entirely. I do hope that you’ll see a different perspective and start to think in a different way. I hope to raise some thought-provoking, insightful discussions and bring to you some sort of awareness. Mostly, I’ll get to rant and rave about my thoughts on today’s society and how everyone should begin to think the way I do – the right way. Enjoy!