I Am Important

This was the first full weekend I have been away from Justin. Nate and I have had nights off here and there, but this was the first 48-hour stretch without him. This was a weird and emotional weekend for me. On one hand, I have loved reconnecting with my husband; on the other, I want to see my baby. I talked about Justin and checked in via text every chance I got to see how he was doing. I asked my mom to send me pictures of him, as if I had forgotten what he looked like. I know this is normal, but holy cow, woman, cut the cord!

I have re-learned many things this weekend. First and foremost, it is essential to have time away from kids. Nate and I got to do the things we haven’t been able to do since before Justin. Like go out to dinner, play games, and SLEEP. Uninterrupted, blissful sleep. Nate and I got to talk and just be with each other. It has been very nice.

I also got some alone time in. I sat in the backyard, read a good book, and drank wine. It was so relaxing and peaceful. I enjoyed every minute of it. In the last year, I have done just a few things for myself. I realized there are so many things I want to do, but haven’t. I need to make sure I take frequent time-outs for myself. 

I was also reminded just how very much I love my son. Sure I write posts about how frustrating it is to be a mom or how I wish I could give Justin away, but at the end of the day, I love this boy more than life itself. I can’t imagine my life without him and am so blessed to have and know him. My life has changed drastically since he entered this world and I will forever be thankful.

My take-away from this weekend is that it is okay to have time away – from your kid, spouse, whoever. I am important. My aspirations are important. My hobbies are important. My time alone is important. Although kind of a whirlwind, conflicting weekend, I am so grateful to have had it.

Oh, and Pedialyte works wonders for a hangover. You’re welcome.

Perspective

I’ve been with Justin minus, maybe, four hours since Friday at 4:00pm. It is now Monday night at 7:42pm. In that time I have wanted to walk away from parenting and have my tubes tied approximately 84 times. Justin is teething, not sleeping well, and is fussing every 6 minutes. I cannot leave the room without him crying. I have been up between 4:30 and 5:00 each morning. Feel sorry for me yet? I can keep going…

Just now, a very dear friend and horrible, rotten person posted this video onto Facebook. You see, I enjoy feeling sorry for myself. It makes me feel okay for eating ice cream and drinking Chardonnay. It makes me feel as if I have things so badly I deserve my vices. I don’t like when people bring to my attention how good I have it and how fortunate I am. I. Don’t. Like. It. I mean, really? Who likes a dose of reality? Not this girl.

I’m posting this video and warning all parents who have thought, just thought about dropping their child off at the local fire station. Don’t do it. Well, unless you’re a cracked-out whore, then by all means, gets to steppin'. But if you’re in my circle of friends and acquaintances I can’t imagine that’s the case. And if that IS the case I need to work on my judgment skills. 

Here’s the video: http://storie.worthytoshare.com/husband-didnt-expect-to-have-a-daughter-that-was-different. Go ahead. Don’t cry. Don’t run into your child’s room and give him a million kisses. Don’t ever wonder how on Earth you could ever imagine giving your child away. I dare you.

I needed to see this video tonight. I had been questioning this whole parenting thing this weekend and wondering if I was up to the challenge of having more kids. NOT that I’m saying I’m having more, but this video, at the very least, helped the kid I do have. Being a good parent is hard work. I am so thankful to have a healthy boy. I am so thankful to have a boy who is thriving. I am so thankful I can provide him all he needs. I am so thankful.